Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
