Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
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