I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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