Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
