My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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