She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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