Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
