oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
