Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
