i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
