hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
