and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
