well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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