I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
