she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
