I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
