just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
