Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
