I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
