if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
4 words: hood of his car
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
