i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
