my mouth tastes like poor choices
Where is the hickey?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize