So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
