I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
