nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
