I met the friendliest cop last night
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
