is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
