and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
