did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
