i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
