i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
