So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This is classic penis vs brain.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
