I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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