i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
