benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
