So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
