yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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