Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
