Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Vodka?
Forever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
