i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
