in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
