How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
