You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
