your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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