I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
