I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize