What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
