Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
