If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
