i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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