paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
