I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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