Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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