I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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