You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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