My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
