I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize