Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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