If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
