allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
