East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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