You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
