I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
