i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
