Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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