I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
