I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
