Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Randomize
