No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
