thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
as a side note pls kill me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize