my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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