Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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