she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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